Daisy Dog 2015 14 years old

So it is with such a heavy heart to ever have to write this but this morning our sweet Daisy Duke Dog of 14 years went to heaven....I still can't wrap my head around this...its like it isn't even real....we knew she was having a rough week and I know she was getting up there in age,  I just thought either her back legs were really bothering her so she didn't have an appetite or possibly she swallowed something stuck in her throat that made eating difficult(she always did love her some baby wipes...kooky dog)...but NEVER this quick did I imagine this happening....I called the vet Saturday because she wasn't eating and he explained the testing they can do and what to expect if they found something ...medicines, therapy etc....so we planned to bring her in first thing Monday since they were not open Sundays...she was still sipping water so I thought all was ok....I agonized over the worst possible scenerio where they would tell us she would either need an expensive surgery or if there was nothing they could do and we would have to put her down.......really I sat there all night not wanting to make such a descision....not wanting to decide the fate of my forever friend that has gone through so much with me through the years...we knew we were taking her early the next day so we packed the kids lunches and backpacks so were could get an early start after dropping them at school. I woke up came downstairs Darren was feeding the kids and told me Daisy had an accident and he hasn't got to it yet...I went over to her to see and noticed the puddle beneath her....never had I seen her laying in an accident I went up to her face to check how she was doing and realized in shock that my Sweet Dog was gone.......I think I held it in as best I could and shuffled the kids upstairs to eat and get dressed and off to school without letting on to the pain exploding inside me....Darren got them to school and then came home...I sat with her cleaning up the mess and crying.....its like she knew this was coming and she didn't want me to have to make the descision...she was a good dog all the way until the end...she didn't want me to feel guilty about any choices made so she decided!!!! My heart is truly broken......I miss her so much and its only been a few days.....I have already caught myself trying to tell Darren to take her out potty because it looked like it was going to rain and carefully stepping out of bed so that I wouldn't step on her since she always slept on the floor next to me at night.....I hate that I feel like I can't grieve because the kids need so much each day and a day later life is back to normal for everyone BUT ME!!!!  I'm so sad that this important part of my life is just gone all within 6-7 days.....how is this possible.....today we picked up her ashes and I still can't look at them....i feel guilty about not burying her but I would feel worse if we did and then moved in a few years and had to leave her here behind......most days having to take care of her seemed like extra work....taking her outside or running to the store because Darren ALWAYS waited to the last minute to tell me we were out of dog food, having to rush home from somewhere because we had to feed the dog and not having any family here to ever help us out...NOW that we don't have those it seems so silly because I really am going to miss her...she lead a long life by far for any doggy but it still hurts....today I had to entertain Carissa asking me a 100 questions about Daisy's ashes and where are her bones and what happens to her skin and fur.....ugh:(  Daisy was an absolute perfect dog...so she ate a few things during our first few months here in NC but she was bored hanging in the apartment by herself...when she ate the comforter and it looked like it snowed all over my bedroom that was sure a sight or when Scott visited and she ate an entire bag of Rolos that we they had to make her throw up using a turkey baster....fun times....BUT when Mason was born he would lie around and snuggle on her and she was always by his side...she was amazing to all of my kids and was so special to me....she came to Charlotte with me on a whim and was there through all the lonely times...one of her favorite things to do is go to Chicago each summer to Gaga and Pa's house...she did so well in the car.  We booked a beach house in Hilton Head this summer and I was excited that we were going to get to bring her with...her first time seeing the ocean...she has never been....so I think that is where I would like to take her ashes....she is still going to get that beach trip with the family and I hope that by spreading her ashes in the ocean she knows how special she was to us and will never be forgotten.  Mason and Carissa have already made some special notes to send up with Balloons to her and I hope Heaven is good to you Daisy because you sure were good to us!!!!  I love you Daisy Lee Duke 2011-2015